Bravo, Aaron. I am genuinely happy that you finally decided to speak up. However, you are about two and a half years too late. Since 2006 you have been stuck in the bullpen full-time and you have been miserable. To this day, I still do not know why the Mets placed you in the bullpen. You were never a reliever in any stage of professional baseball and you were drafted in the first round as a star starter from Notre Dame. Sure, you showed some signs of being a good reliever, but you could never sustain a consistent groove. As a starter, you developed a little slower than expected but you were finally showing some signs of brilliance (e.g., the one hitter against the Marlins in 2005…ironically enough it was Luis Castillo, who currently can’t hit a lick for the Mets, who broke that up) before you were put in the bullpen. Maybe you did something to Omar that he didn’t like, or maybe Willie Randolph just hated Notre Dame. You should have been a starter all along.
It was no secret that you wanted to start, but you decided to put your brave face on and say, “I’ll do what is best for the team.” Great, grand, wonderful…but what wasn’t best for the team was the tension this created. Writers, bloggers, radio hosts and fans alike discussed Aaron Heilman: he should be in the bullpen: he should start, he should relieve, he should be traded…I heard it all. All this resulted in was that microscope was placed on you. Every time you had a bad performance people questioned whether you were happy in the bullpen. Perhaps this affected your performance; we all saw you pout whenever you walked off the mound to a chorus of boo’s. Maybe you were not performing up to your best abilities because you were disatisfied with your situation, but you decided to stay quiet and pitch poorly in the bullpen.
I never blamed you for what happened in game 7 in 2006…you pitched a great 9th inning and you were unfairly pushed out to pitch the 10th because Billy Wagner wasn’t effective in the series. You should have been on the bench icing your arm in the 10th. You had a so-so year in 2007 and a miserable year in 2008. I never boo’ed you though, I always thought you were going to bust out of your shell….if you were put into the starting rotation. I have complained endlessly to my friends about how the Mets should either put you in the starting rotation or trade you. Whenever a starter went down with an injury or started to struggle, I got on my soapbox and spoke how Aaron Heilman would come through for us if we only gave him a chance to start. But three seasons later your no longer “a young arm” and your stats are poor…your trade value has plummeted. Who knows what the Mets could get for you if they traded you.
I am extremely confident that if you get traded and start you will become an all-star. Unfortunately, I do think you need to be traded. Being boo’ed for two straight years can take its toll on someone…you need a fresh start. So, Mr. Heilman, be prepared to become the next Jason Isringhausen (except in reverse). He was a starter who was traded and became an all-star reliever. You are going to be a reliever who will be traded and go on to become an all-star starter. It could have been different Aaron, if only you decided to speak up sooner.
It was a clear black light, a clear light moon, Warren G. was on the streets of Washington meeting with federal officials to explore the possibility of hiring him to head up a new regulatory system. Warren G., who was on-top of the hip-hop charts in 1994 with his hit song “Regulators,” may soon be regulating more than just stealing of property, which he was damn good at. Mr G. is being asked by the federal government to regulate various aspects of the economy that are most pressing in these troubling times: the credit industry, the housing industry, the automobile industry and the banking industry. As growing concerns of the use of the $700 billion dollar bailout loom, Mr. G. will have a tall task. It has recently been discovered that AIG was using bailout money to send their employees on lavish getaways, while Secretary Paulson is contemplating using the money to help stabilize Wall Street while neglecting the housing market. Democrats want to use some money to help rescue the failing automobile industry, while Republicans do not think the automobile companies will use the money wisely. All this comes in the wake historic low levels of confidence about the direction of this country. Despite this, Warren G. still remains optimistic and confident. While speaking to reporters after the meeting, Mr. G. screamed into the microphone, “REGULAAATOOORRSSS, MOUNT UP!”
The idea of hiring Mr. G. was first introduced by Washington Senator, Patty Murray. “Ever since I heard all this talk of de-regulation, I had that damn song stuck my head. Then I figured that we don’t just need any geek of the street. So I hit the east side of the LBC, on a mission to try and find Mr. Warren G.” When Senator Murray found Mr. G., he was at 2-1 and Lewis shooting some dice. Not dissuaded by this ominous sign of reckless spending, Senator Murray asked Mr. G to attend a meeting in Washington about regulating the economy. According to Senator Murray, Mr. G. simply responded by saying, “Let’s do this.” ”When I first heard that Warren was going to be leading the regulation of the economy I was excited,” New York Senator Chuck Schumer exclaimed, “but I thought it was going to be Warren Buffett. Personally, I think that Nate Dogg would do a better job.”
During the Congressional meeting, Mr. G. spoke about the problems the current financial meltdown has caused in the 213. Mr. G. spoke about people loosing their houses due to faulty mortgages and the effect the credit crisis has had on his neighbors, who face repo men everyday: ”I’m getting jacked, I’m breaking myself, I can’t believe they are taking our wealth. They took our rings, they took our rolex. I look at the brotha [repo man] and said, ‘damn what’s next?’” Mr. G. also expressed disbelief about the country’s economic situation. While talking to the senators, he put his head down in disappointment and stated “I can’t believe this is happening my own town.” Perhaps such hardship has caused Mr. G. to become existential and contemplative because he then told Congress that “If I had wings I can fly, let me contemplate of ways of helping the average American citizens with regulation.”
Meanwhile at the White House, during his press conference, President Bush excitedly spoke to reporters about the prospect of having Warren G. head up regulation. “MAN I LOVE THAT SONG! I USED TO SING THAT ALL THE TIME IN THE 1990′S WHEN I WAS DRUNK…IF I HAD A NICKEL FOR EVERY TIME I GOT DRUNK AND SUNG THAT….” Then, all of the sudden, the electricity went out at the White House before the president could finish his sentence. Vice President Cheney could not be reached for comment…obviously.
In his closing statement, Mr. G. told everyone to ease their fears and worries. He believes that he is man to do the job, but he cannot do it alone. Mr. G. asked for the help of the entire country as he said ”BACK UP, BACK UP. CAUSE IT’S ON. THE UNITED STATES AND ME…WARREN TO THE G.” Finally, as Mr. G. has been known to do, he demonstrated a flare for the dramatic as he slammed the microphone on the table and said, “I’m tweaking on a new whole era…bad economy step to this? I dare ya…” Will this be a “whole new era” of regulation? We will only have to wait and see.
It is my belief that real comedy doesn’t rely on extraneous factors such as props, fancy set designs, or in ZehlSteen Think Pound’s (ZSTP) case, an audience. I was one of the few people that was not deterred by “the threat of rain” (as member Matthew Zellman put it), and made my way to the Gene Frankel Theater on Tuesday, October 28th to watch New York’s self-proclaimed only sketch comedy troupe, ZehlSteen Think Pound, perform at their ”Spooktacular.” Right away I will give ZSTP loads of credit as they performed as enthusiastically and vigorously in a room of 10 people as they would in a room of 100 people. The mark of true amateur-professionalism. Although it was advertised as a Halloween show, and the group encouraged the audience to wear costumes (they promised surprises for the best costume), the ten-person audience all came as the person who just got off work or out of class. Despite this, the group was still cordial enough to give out free candy…we even got to hear that an audience member’s roommate hooked-up with Tampa Bay Ray Designated Hitter, Cornelius “Cliff” Floyd.
I have seen ZSTP around eight times now and I must say that they are improving and polishing up their act with every performance. In the past, I have left some ZSTP shows thinking to myself, “that had some really funny moments, but there was some crap I could do without.” However, I have left the last two ZSTP shows with a dry-throat due to excessive laughter (perhaps they should give out free water instead of preservative-laced candy).
The group started off their set with their only re-occurring sketch (to my knowledge), Peer Power! The peppy and caring, but explicitly neo-nazi Saturday morning children’s group. This time around Peer Power! was helping us decide on who to vote for by using oreos and hydrox (vegan and kosher friendly!). Peer Power! is enough to make anyone laugh and question their own political correctness at the same time. Peer Power! is true genius.
Thankfully, ZSTP is efficient enough to have a bunch of new sketches at every show. At the Spooktacular, I saw seven out of the nine sketches (on my list) for the first time. ZSTP also kept the show topical, a must in my opinion for any sketch comedy group. In addition to the election-themed Peer Power!, they had two Halloween themed-sketches: “Slutty Nurse” which was about a girl whose favorite holiday is Halloween because she is a slutty-nurse in reality and appears normal during Halloween; and “Zombie,” about a girl who is trying to break up with her recently turned Zombie boyfriend (but is unaware of this development). This sketch provided a great one-liner when the girl asked her boyfriend, “What do you like about me besides my body?” To which the zombie responded with “braaaaaiiinnnsss.” LOL’s all around.
ZSTP has something for everyone. They gave the trendy, computer-crazed youth something to laugh about with sketches about Dostoyevsky’s quest to create the greatest Facebook page ever and how Rick Roll is the perfect 80’s song to annoy your friends. They gave the 1990’s pop-culture aficionados (like you, Michael Ian Black!) laughter ammo with their own “Are You Afraid of the Dark” episode and their sketch about the 98 Degrees cover band that is trying to ditch their tone-deaf band member who is in the band to commemorate his wife that was eaten by a shark (“she dead”). ZSTP also gave the sports fan something to chew over with their trash-talking softball sketch. ZSTP even arrogantly showed off their technology skills with two videos: the executive, the product for the business man who has no time for the bathroom (“smells like success”); and the “baby holder” for the lazy American parent. It was incidentally funny to watch the group awkwardly try and drag the over-sized and outdated television set across the room.
Although I would rate their show an 8.5 out of 10, I was not impressed with one sketch. This was the Johnson and Longfellow sketch, where a man went on ajob interview only to discover that his prospective-boss has an erection sticking out of his pants. Then the boss made a bunch of sexual innuendos. I see why other people may find this hilarious, but it was a bit hackneyed for me.
ZehlSteen Think Pound is up and coming. They are settling into their own, finally starting to form their own identity on stage. They are figuring out what really works and what doesn’t. I am not an expert on the sketch comedy scene in New York City right now, but I do think that ZSTP should be on top of any New York Magazine “Best of Sketch Comedy” list. I expect good things in the future from this troupe. If this was a Baseball America publication, I would rank ZSTP in the top 5 of a very deep farm system, like the Florida Marlins. And they even have more personality than Hanley Ramirez. I would encourage everyone to check out their videos on youtube site http://www.youtube.com/user/ZehlSteenThinkPound, their myspace page http://www.myspace.com/zehlsteenthinkpound and to attend their “640 Math, 720 Verbal” on November 25 at the End Times Underground (24 Bond Street, Manhattan).
“You guys are noisy tonight…sounds like you’re celebrating that we have a new president!” frontman Craig Finn proclaimed a few songs into the Hold Steady’s never-dull-for-a-moment set Friday night at Terminal 5. Maybe the crowd was in an extra-happy mood because of Tuesday’s election, or maybe the beer was extra smooth at Terminal 5 that night because the audience was boisterous and full of bonhomie. It was beautiful reciprocity: the crowd was feeding off the Hold Steady’s energetic performance, and the Hold Steady was feeding off the crowd’s enthusiasm.
I have wanted to see the Hold Steady in concert for quite a while, they have a reputation of being an “awesome bar band.” They did not disappoint from the moment they came on stage. They started off the set the best way I thought they could with “Constructive Summer,” the opening track from this years release “Stay Positive” (one of my favorite albums of the year). Craig Finn asked the crowd to “raise a toast to St. Joe Strummer,” as the band embodied the spirit of Clash’s electricity.
Surprisingly to me, the Hold Steady gave us a very-balanced show. I was expecting the band to rely mostly on their last two albums, but they dove deep into their catalog. I would say the band played an even amount of songs from all albums…a tribute to their long-time diehards. What did not surprise me about the performance was Craig Finn’s lyrical talent. There are few in his class who can tell the story of the adventures, struggles, agonies and triumphs of American adolescence like he can in today’s music scene.
What makes the band enjoyable is their antics. They do not take themselves seriously on stage, they just have fun. They are self-deprecating and are not afraid to demonstrate that although they have “never been with your hoodrat friend,” they are just a bunch of middle-aged white men from Minnesota. The band looks like they are made up of an insurance salesman, the IT man at work, a surfer, a Russian silent film star and a Gap model. Both Craig Finn, and Keyboardist/Accordion Player/Harmonica Player, Franz Nicolay, spent plenty of time on stage stumbling through the jitterbug and doing the kriss-kross “jump” dance. Franz Nicolay’s appearance on stage is eye catching enough…he looks like he is a mix between Charlie Chaplin, Luigi From the Mario Brothers, Soda Popinski from Mike Tyson’s Punchout and Justin Timberlake. Meanwhile Craig Finn half-sings and half-rambles while running his hands through his hands through his hair with the excitement of a 4-year-old reciting the alphabet for the first time. It was amusing to watch him pace back and forth on stage while the crowd shuffled their feet backand forth to follow him.
I was slightly disappointed that the band did not play 2006’s standout “Stuck Between Stations” during the encore, but they had a few tricks up their sleeve. When the Drive-By-Truckers joined the band on stage, the two groups played a great version of the Blue Oyster Cult’s “Burnin’ For You.” For personal reasons, I cannot take Blue Oyster Cult seriously (no, it has nothing to do with SNL sketch). I found the cover on Friday night to be both comical and extremely enjoyable. They also covered the Minutemen’s “History Lesson Part II,” and AC/DC’s “Ride On.”
To take the title from their first album, the Hold Steady killed me on Friday night. The hour an a half set flew by…but then again, time flies when the Hold Steady is on stage.
Setlist (from rollingstone.com)
“Constructive Summer”
“You Gotta Dance (With Who You Came to the Dance With)”
“Multitude of Casualties”
“Chips Ahoy!”
“Sequestered in Memphis”
“One for the Cutters”
“Cheyenne Sunrise”
“Ask Her for Adderall”
“Magazines”
“Arms & Hearts”
“Stevie Nix”
“Massive Nights”
“Party Pit”
“Lord, I’m Discouraged”
“Hornets! Hornets!”
“Your Little Hoodrat Friend”
“Most People Are DJs”
“Slapped Actress”
“How a Resurrection Really Feels”
Encore:
“First Night”
“Stay Positive”
“History Lesson Part II”
“Ride On”
“Burnin’ For You”
“Killer Parties”
The Hold Steady
Sequestered In Memphis:
Massive Nights:
Burnin’ For You – Blue Oyster Cult cover with Drive By Truckers
I was buying tickets to see my favorite comedy trio “Stella” last night when Ticketmaster decided give a me a fresh punch in the gut…
At this point in our lives, we are all used to the non-sensical surchage that they add on to tickets…even if you go to buy tickets in person at the arena the event is being held in. That’s bad enough. But when I went on to Ticketmaster.com last night they added a new charge: Order Processing Charge(s). What the hell is that? They added on an extra $5.10 to my order for no apparent reason. Why do you have to charge me to process the order all of the sudden? PROCESSING THE ORDER IS PART OF YOU JOB, THAT’S WHAT THE SURCHAGE IS FOR. I’ve never had this charge before, so I am assuming this is new.
But can I do anything about this? No, because I want to see “Stella,” I have to pay the stupid charge to get my ticket. The face value of the ticket was $27.50, but when you add on the surchage and order processing charge it comes out to $38.50. An extra $11 bucks; thats 40% of the ticket value they are adding on. This is sickening and wrong. How rich is ticketmaster from doing all of this? The consumer can’t do crap because ticketmaster sells tickets to all major events. They are a modern day monoply. They are no better than the railroad companies of the early 20th century that ripped people off because there were no other modes of transportation.
Even LiveNation is owned by Ticketmaster. As a consumer, we can’t decide to go to another ticket broker to get tickets because they are none: if we go to stubhub (which is owned by ticketmaster anyway) the prices are above face value. How are they allowed to do this to people? De-regulation much?
I demand that Ticketmaster explain these ridicolous charges in a time of economic peril. People are loosing money and Ticketmaster wants an extra $5.10 per order? They have so many transactions per day, I can’t even imagine how much they are making off this scam. But until then, I have no other way to buy tickets rather than to feed the beast of this evil monopoly.
How lazy are people? You work on the 8th floor and you have to go to the 9th floor, so you take the elevator? What the hell? Why can’t you walk one freakin’ flight of stairs? How difficult is that? It’s good for you to take the stairs. It’s good cardio. Everyone on the elevator gets pissed because they have to stop on two extra floors to pick you up and drop you off. Stop being so inconsiderate. I understand that some people actually have mobility difficulty and need to use the elevator, but 98% of us do not need the elevator to go move on floor. Do they do this in other countries? Maybe in other countries people realize it’s good to walk. I mean exercise is effective in keeping stress levels low. Instead of taking the elevator one floor to get a piece of cake because your stressed, maybe you should go for a walk. I’m for the creation of elevators that refuse to stop on consecutive floors. Even if, for example, you hit the 6th floor button and someone else hit the 5th floor button. Get off on the 5th and walk, it’s healthy (before you try to shut down my idea, if three floors consecutive floors are pushed, then the elevator will stop at every other floor). And if you have mobility difficulties then you will be given like an EZ-Pass type contraption that will allow the elevator to stop at consecutive floors. We need to fight obesity, I’m tired of people taking advantage of the elevator.
Bravo, Aaron. I am genuinely happy that you finally decided to speak up. However, you are about two and a half years too late. Since 2006 you have been stuck in the bullpen full-time and you have been miserable. To this day, I still do not know why the Mets placed you in the bullpen. You were never a reliever in any stage of professional baseball and you were drafted in the first round as a star starter from Notre Dame. Sure, you showed some signs of being a good reliever, but you could never sustain a consistent groove. As a starter, you developed a little slower than expected but you were finally showing some signs of brilliance (e.g., the one hitter against the Marlins in 2005…ironically enough it was Luis Castillo, who currently can’t hit a lick for the Mets, who broke that up) before you were put in the bullpen. Maybe you did something to Omar that he didn’t like, or maybe Willie Randolph just hated Notre Dame. You should have been a starter all along.
It was a clear black light, a clear light moon, Warren G. was on the streets of Washington meeting with federal officials to explore the possibility of hiring him to head up a new regulatory system. Warren G., who was on-top of the hip-hop charts in 1994 with his hit song “Regulators,” may soon be regulating more than just stealing of property, which he was damn good at. Mr G. is being asked by the federal government to regulate various aspects of the economy that are most pressing in these troubling times: the credit industry, the housing industry, the automobile industry and the banking industry. As growing concerns of the use of the $700 billion dollar bailout loom, Mr. G. will have a tall task. It has recently been discovered that AIG was using bailout money to send their employees on lavish getaways, while Secretary Paulson is contemplating using the money to help stabilize Wall Street while neglecting the housing market. Democrats want to use some money to help rescue the failing automobile industry, while Republicans do not think the automobile companies will use the money wisely. All this comes in the wake historic low levels of confidence about the direction of this country. Despite this, Warren G. still remains optimistic and confident. While speaking to reporters after the meeting, Mr. G. screamed into the microphone, “REGULAAATOOORRSSS, MOUNT UP!”
