United States Government Asks Warren G. To Regulate Economy

It was a clear black light, a clear light moon, Warren G. was on the streets of Washington meeting with federal officials to explore the possibility of hiring him to head up a new regulatory system. Warren G., who was on-top of the hip-hop charts in 1994 with his hit song “Regulators,” may soon be regulating more than just stealing of property, which he was damn good at. Mr G. is being asked by the federal government to regulate various aspects of the economy that are most pressing in these troubling times: the credit industry, the housing industry, the automobile industry and the banking industry. As growing concerns of the use of the $700 billion dollar bailout loom, Mr. G. will have a tall task. It has recently been discovered that AIG was using bailout money to send their employees on lavish getaways, while Secretary Paulson is contemplating using the money to help stabilize Wall Street while neglecting the housing market. Democrats want to use some money to help rescue the failing automobile industry, while Republicans do not think the automobile companies will use the money wisely. All this comes in the wake historic low levels of confidence about the direction of this country. Despite this, Warren G. still remains optimistic and confident. While speaking to reporters after the meeting, Mr. G. screamed into the microphone, “REGULAAATOOORRSSS, MOUNT UP!”

The idea of hiring Mr. G. was first introduced by Washington Senator, Patty Murray. “Ever since I heard all this talk of de-regulation, I had that damn song stuck my head. Then I figured that we don’t just need any geek of the street. So I hit the east side of the LBC, on a mission to try and find Mr. Warren G.” When Senator Murray found Mr. G., he was at 2-1 and Lewis shooting some dice. Not dissuaded by this ominous sign of reckless spending, Senator Murray asked Mr. G to attend a meeting in Washington about regulating the economy. According to Senator Murray, Mr. G. simply responded by saying, “Let’s do this.” ”When I first heard that Warren was going to be leading the regulation of the economy I was excited,” New York Senator Chuck Schumer exclaimed, “but I thought it was going to be Warren Buffett. Personally, I think that Nate Dogg would do a better job.”

During the Congressional meeting, Mr. G. spoke about the problems the current financial meltdown has caused in the 213. Mr. G. spoke about people loosing their houses due to faulty mortgages and the effect the credit crisis has had on his neighbors, who face repo men everyday: ”I’m getting jacked, I’m breaking myself, I can’t believe they are taking our wealth. They took our rings, they took our rolex. I look at the brotha [repo man] and said, ‘damn what’s next?’” Mr. G. also expressed disbelief about the country’s economic situation. While talking to the senators, he put his head down in disappointment and stated “I can’t believe this is happening my own town.” Perhaps such hardship has caused Mr. G. to become existential and contemplative because he then told Congress that “If I had wings I can fly, let me contemplate of ways of helping the average American citizens with regulation.”

Meanwhile at the White House, during his press conference, President Bush excitedly spoke to reporters about the prospect of having Warren G. head up regulation. “MAN I LOVE THAT SONG! I USED TO SING THAT ALL THE TIME IN THE 1990′S WHEN I WAS DRUNK…IF I HAD A NICKEL FOR EVERY TIME I GOT DRUNK AND SUNG THAT….” Then, all of the sudden, the electricity went out at the White House before the president could finish his sentence. Vice President Cheney could not be reached for comment…obviously.

In his closing statement, Mr. G. told everyone to ease their fears and worries. He believes that he is man to do the job, but he cannot do it alone. Mr. G. asked for the help of the entire country as he said ”BACK UP, BACK UP. CAUSE IT’S ON. THE UNITED STATES AND ME…WARREN TO THE G.” Finally, as Mr. G. has been known to do, he demonstrated a flare for the dramatic as he slammed the microphone on the table and said, “I’m tweaking on a new whole era…bad economy step to this? I dare ya…” Will this be a “whole new era” of regulation? We will only have to wait and see.

The President SHOULD Be Smarter Than You…You Idiot

With only three weeks til the election, I am confident that Barack Obama will win. However, I am sick and tired of pundits and voters talking about how it is bad that Barack Obama seems too intelligent, too educated, too professorial to be an appealing candidate. Are you kidding me? It’s the presidency of the United States of America, not public relations. The President should be the most exceptional person we can find. It is the most important job in this country and one of the most important jobs in the world. Why shouldn’t the president be smarter than us? Why are we holding the fact that Barack Obama went to Harvard Law School Against him? Um, I think that’s a good thing. I was watching one show recently that called Obama a “pointy-head.” I don’t care what shape his head is, as long as he is competent.

Sarah Palin is comparing herself to Joe Six Pack, Babara Boxed Wine, Charlie Coke Head, Oliver Obesity and whatever catchy puns she can think of to appeal to the middle class. But who wants Joe Six Pack running the country? Joe Six Pack is an idiot, that’s why Joe Six Pack is not in politics. Look at all the problems the countries faces domestically, abroad and environmentally. Do YOU want to handle it? No, you would probably rather let someone else handle it. That’s what the President is for. The President should be a person of exceptional abilities, who can deal with all the issues you don’t want to face. While you are allowed to live in your bubble of disillusion, that everything is great and dandy in America, while President does the dirty work.

In 2004, I heard people talk about George Bush’s likability. “Oh, he’s the kind of guy I can have a drink with.” So what? Why do you want your president to have a drink with you? Would you want the man who has to decide on foreign policy issues to be hanging around some dive bar with you drinking water-downed beer? Honestly, who really wants their president to be like them? People who run for president were probably smartie pants as children and they were probably picked on by Average Joe…and now you want to be friends with them? Listen Average Joe, you’re never going to be president. I think you made that choice a long time ago. Stop saying you want the President to be an average guy because you don’t like what you have become and you want to keep the belief that we can be anything we want. Would you rather keep the illusion that any average person can be president or hold on to your hopes and dreams that you can keep your retirement funds? Evolution (the thing that Sarah Palin doesn’t believe in) tells us that some people are born with better genes. Average Joe has average genes…the President should have way above average genes.

I don’t hear people saying they want their doctors to be like them. I sure as hell don’t want my doctor to be average, I want him to be best. I’ll take a Harvard educated doctor and a Harvard educated president. America fell for voting for an “Average Joe” president in 2000 and 2004 and we have all suffered because President Bush looks like a nice guy but is in fact an idiot. Let’s not criticize Barack Obama because he is too analytical or because he “thinks too much.” We should be so lucky to have a President that will think things through and not act on an impulse (e.g., send our troops into danger on a whim). Let’s vote for someone who is smarter than all of us. Intelligence 08!

John McCain’s Silent Treatment to the World

John McCain Knows His Geography...He Did Graduate 894 Out of 899 In The Naval Academy

We’re not sure how Sarah Palin will get along with foreign heads of state because she has never met one [1]. But as the election unfolds, we are starting to get a sense of how John McCain will interact with foreign leaders…like a grizzled old grandpa. Last week, we discovered that John McCain is reluctant to meet with Spain’s Prime Minister, Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero. When asked by a reporter if he would meet with Mr. Zapatero, McCain replied, “Honestly, I have to analyze our relationships, situations and priorities, but I can assure you that I will establish closer relationships with our friends, and I will stand up to those who want to harm the United States” [2/3]. People were shocked by this answer. Nobody seemed to know why he said this. Is Spain trying to harm the United States? I thought they are an ally? It even led to some mockery as people commented Senator McCain thought Mr. Zapatero was head of a Latin American country, not Spain (clearly not a Latin American country). This was mainly because McCain discussed the ” importance of our relationship with Latin America.” Silly us.

These hard-feelings from Senator McCain can be traced back to 2004 when the Prime Minister of Spain brought home 1,300 troops from Iraq [4]. How dare the Spanish Prime Minister pull his troops out of harms way when he discovered the American government lied to the world? How dare he do something that America should have done four years ago as well? The nerve of this guy. Let’s not talk to him.

I have also noticed that Senator McCain has taken an interest in French politics. In many of his stump speeches this year, whenever McCain mentions France he adds, “By the way, they have a pro-American president now.” This pro-America president is Nicolas Sarkozy, who was elected in 2007. Conservatives jumped for joy when Mr. Sarkozy was elected, because it meant that the famous anti-war spokesman Jacques Chirac was out of office.

So is this they way John McCain is going to pick who he talks to? If they agree with America 100%? If they agree with the Iraq war? How is this different than George Bush? Is John McCain going to give heads of state the silent treatment when they don’t agree with him? What’s next, McCain is going to un-invite them to his birthday party? Is John McCain not going to talk to Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper because he roots for the Toronto Maple Leafs and McCain likes the Phoenix Coyotes? Get over yourself. I think its about time we become a little more modest as a country. America needs to stop picking who they want to be friends with. Instead of celebrating that French President is pro-American, we be wondering why the last President wasn’t…and why other countries’ leaders may not be pro-American. America is not invincible (despite what some extreme neoconservatives may think), we need allies in both commerce and the military. This country is not always right and someone should tell John McCain it is okay if someone points this out to us.

Prime Minister Zapatero is also known as a liberal. Does John McCain not want to talk to liberals? Is that how is going to deal with half the Congress as President? I thought he reached-over party lines? Republicans criticize Barack Obama because he is willing to talk controversial world leaders such as Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Republicans would rather ignore he exists…that is, until he is really close to making a nuclear bomb, then we should send our already exhausted military for more conflict (let’s start World War 3!). Is America just going to try and intimidate everyone? What about Vladimir Putin, will McCain talk to him? Or will he listen to vice-president Palin and attack Russia when they try to invade Georgia (again, lets start World War 3!) [5].

Is it possible that this selective-diplomacy might contribute to the negative view of America worldwide? Call me pessimistic, but I think so. It needs to stop now. I understand that Islamic fundamentalists hate America, but I’m tired of the civilized, democrat world hating America.

Post-note: In case you were interested in a BBC poll of 22 countries in September, 49% of the people polled wants Barack Obama as the United States President, opposed to the 12% received by John McCain. The overall consensus was that US relations with the rest of the world would improved under Obama and they would remain the same under McCain (at least is won’t get worst) [6]. If you care about stuff like that…

References:

[1]: http://www.newsday.com/news/local/politics/ny-uspal0923,0,465741.story

[2]: http://blogs.abcnews.com/politicalradar/2008/09/obama-suggests.html

[3]: http://yetanotherelectionblog.blogspot.com/2008/09/mccain-evades-question-on-spanish.html

[4] http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5iOHh1bI3oWecZNdz6L8T-JsvncowD93BV11G0′

[5]: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26664087/

[6]: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/7606100.stm

Sarah Palin’s Small Town Wardrobe

I was watching MSNBC last night and they pointed out an interesting fact. Sarah Palin’s JACKET she wore the night of her acceptance speech at the Republican National Convention cost $2,500! (1) WHAT?!?!

Now let me just say that I am glad that this has not been made a big deal by the media. THE PRICE OF SARAH PALIN’S JACKET IS NOT IMPORTANT OR RELEVANT FOR THIS ELECTION. Clearly this week’s problems of the economy has demonstrated that the real issues need to be discussed. Besides, I’m more worried that Sarah Palin thinks she has insight to foreign affairs because one can see Russia from an Alaskan island, or that she is lying about taxes, oil production and earmarks. But this is just a blog and I am not apart of the media. I can write about what I please without worrying about influencing the election by bombarding American public with irrelevant information.

$2,500 for just the jacket; I wonder how much the entire outfit cost? Sarah Palin, who on stage during her speech, criticized community service and calls her opponent elitist in other events, had the gall to wear such an extravagant outfit? She claims to be an average hockey mom. As a kid, I grew up as a hockey player in a pretty affluent community and I never saw a hockey mom wear such an outfit…ever. I also have never seen a barracuda (SARAH BARRACUDA, EEEGGGHH) wear such an outfit (besides the blue shirts on Legends of the Hidden Temple…poor attempt at humor). I understand that she wanted to look her best in her debut to the American public, but it’s a little much. It’s troubling that in her speeches she tries to empathize with the struggles of the American family in a poor economy,  while her jacket costs more than some mortgages. And evidently the McCain campaign doesn’t want the American public know that she is wearing designer labels, I wonder why? (1)

Talk about wasteful spending, maybe it’s that kind of spending attitude that left Wasilla, Alasksa twenty-million dollars in debt when she left as mayor. (2)

References

(1): http://www.topnews.in/secret-team-stylists-behind-sarah-palin-s-fabulous-looks-268557

(2): http://www.dailyitem.com/0109_opinion/local_story_261223022.html